


The loose ends will make knots

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Incest, Jealousy, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He only wants what's best for Kíli, but he always thought that would include him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The loose ends will make knots

In the beginning, Fíli could ignore it. They were just flirting; he didn’t _like_ it, but it was harmless. He knew Kíli would always come back to him in the end. But he didn’t like listening to them talk, curled up in his cell as his brother shared precious memories with that _elf_. When Kíli was shot by the orcs, he was grateful to Tauriel for saving him – Mahal, he would have been grateful to Smaug himself if it meant Kíli’s survival – but felt a sour taste in his mouth nonetheless. It should have been him. He should have been there to protect him. He should have been the one to leap to Kíli’s aid and fend off the orcs, rather than bobbing uselessly along in a wine barrel.

They didn’t talk about it on the way to Laketown. Kíli’s injury kept him quiet, and either way there wasn’t much to say. What could he have done? Begged him to stay away from her? Ridiculous. He could just hear Kíli’s laughing response; _You’re imagining things, brother. She’s an elf!_ Ah, yes. That she was. One of the fair folk. Tall and slim and graceful. He’d seen her fight; seen her leap and twirl and fire her bow, and she looked more like a dancer than a warrior. Fíli had never wanted to be anything other than what he was, but in that moment he felt bulky and clumsy and altogether too hairy. He watched Kíli stare across the water at Mirkwood, and he knew then, like a knife in his gut, that the longing in his eyes was not for him.

He didn’t want to stay behind. He wanted to be there when they reclaimed Erebor. Some day he would be King under the Mountain; he wanted to be right beside his uncle, running through the halls of their lost city. But Kíli took precedence. No gold, no grand carven halls, no glimmering Arkenstone would ever be as precious to him as his brother. If Kíli was dy- _injured_ , he would stay with him. It wasn’t easy to watch him whimper and moan in pain. While they were in Bard’s house, he didn’t sleep. He spent the night watching Kíli’s sweaty, anguished face contort and relax in the moonlight, over and over like clockwork. None of the remedies did any good. He held his brother’s hand and tried not to cry. He would have gladly given his own life if it could save him.

He hated the sight of her hands on his body. It distracted him from the pained noises Kíli was still making. Her slender fingers, working her strange elven healing magics and caressing his wounded leg; it made his stomach turn. It was not her place. Still, nothing broke his heart quite as much as the way Kíli looked at her, eyes glazed over with fever. So much love and admiration, like she was some divine being shining her light upon him. He hadn’t ever considered the possibility that this might happen; not with a woman, and not with an _elf_. He’d thought it would always be the two of them, stealing kisses when their elders weren’t looking, laughing together in the light of the campfire, whispering promises after harrowing battles. He remembered every time they had screamed each other’s names and reached out hopelessly. They had always been the center of each other’s universe. He wondered if, next time, Kíli would seek Tauriel’s hand instead of Fíli’s in the face of danger.

He wanted to watch over his brother as he came to, but Tauriel stayed by his side, whispering to him in her strange, soft language. He watched the two of them from afar with clenched fists. Were all elves like her? She had travelled here from Mirkwood, fought off a band of orcs, and tended to Kíli’s wounds, and she still looked like a marble statue. Her hair was a cascade of chestnut brown, barely tousled. For an instant she looked up at him; she smiled gently, and he forced a small smile in return. She didn’t know, of course. Kíli stirred and reached out to her, and she took his hand and pressed a kiss to it. Fíli felt like something irreparable had broken inside him.

**Author's Note:**

> ETA: i like tauriel's character. i think it's good to have a woman in the movie. whatever your opinion of her may be, please, please don't take this fic as some kind of expression of hate toward tauriel. i have my issues with the romance, but those issues do not mean i don't like HER as a character.


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